I don't know anything about the Daily Mail. I also don't know anything about our government. So it's a wash.
Supposedly, the limey bastards at the Daily Mail got their fingers on the list of words that'll get the government erect on your personal things.
Included on that list is a word. That word is, "pork."
So don't go around saying you want to pork your johnson.
Another word on that list is, "infection."
If, after porking your johnson, you get an infection you will need to practice better hand cleansing techniques.
Do not, for God's sake, pork your johnson in North Korea. An infection is inevitable.
Human to human, human to animal.
If your hand is not sufficient, human to human porking is preferable to human to animal. Infection is more likely in cases of human to animal in North Korea.
Body scanner, Ice.
If you cannot finish porking, think of baseball before going through a body scanner. If that only arouses you more, go to the bar and fetch some ice.
If the ice doesn't help, you're phreaking out of luck unless you can find a facility to relieve yourself discreetly.