Friday, April 6, 2012

Operation Offend Arizona: Day 4, from the comments

Hey, Arizona. If the Grand Canyon could quit you, it would. You don't treat it like you used to. It wants greener pastures. It wants to go places like Rhode Island, Delaware, hell... even Idaho. Anywhere but Arizona. You're just out of step with even the Deep South. It's insane. You're in the Southwest. You're supposed to be a little more "free." Soon you'll turn the Grand Canyon into one big prison camp. California wants to turn it into a bounce house. Utah wants to turn it into a religious landmark. Iowa wants to turn it into a bath house. These are all viable options for the Grand Canyon.

No lie. No fucking lie, Arizona. I got this postcard FROM the Grand Canyon today. 

And, hey, quit wasting our fucking water! Buy some plastic grass, you don't need to water that shit guys. Seriously. You've been wasting America's water since 1912, y'know? It's time to get a grip on reality. 

It's not like you're using the water to re-hydrate Governor Jan Brewer's face (she needs it), so stop using it. Shit. Kirk D. Adams needs that water to clean his dick head every once in awhile. Dick heads sweat underneath helmets, I don't know if you knew that. Those would be good things to do with water. Not whatever you're doing with it right now. You're wasting it, man. 

Steve Pierce can also smash walls with his forehead. He uses the rubble to build his pet project, the Great Wall of Arizona but he keeps begging the US government for money to finish it. 

In other news, we'll be taking donations for the Bloodhound Gang's Steep Fine CD so that we can send it with love to Kirk D. Adams. I don't know why I'm singling out Kirk D. Adams. Maybe it's the dick head. He's just as likely a fine human being as he is not. He just happens to be a legislator in a state that I am trying to offend. Let's keep offending!

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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 7, 2012 at 4:35 AM

    I'd like to see you try to make a post off of this comment.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousApril 7, 2012 at 8:34 PM

    The foul mouthness of this piece has offended me or has led me to believe that I have been offended. I can’t pin point where this is coming from. At first I blamed it on the vulgar language and excessive reference to dicks. My daily run in with shit for brain adolescents has taken the pleasure out of raunchy humor. Like the Arizona wall I try to prevent them from leaking their vulgarity out, but somehow their genetic make up allows them to be stealthy little fuckers…

    ReplyDelete
  3. hvac training in ArizonaNovember 13, 2012 at 8:34 PM

    The particular bad mouthness of the item provides genuinely offended me personally or perhaps offers directed myself to trust that we are already genuinely offended. I will’capital t flag level in which this really is via. In the beginning My partner and i held responsible that around the earthy vocabulary as well as too much referenc

    ReplyDelete

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