Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Gaijin Bars

The following is an accurate representation of I believe a lover of Japan would ask on his favorite Japanese Forums.


Dear Big Man Japan,

I often hear that there are particular bars in Japan where Gaijins (foreigners) go and pick up on Japanese women.  Have you ever been to a Gaijin bar? Do they really exist?




Dearest Reader Japanophile,

The fabled bars you speak of are true.  As I have attended some of aforementioned Gaijin bars three times since my arrival in Japan, I can now profess myself as having all encompassing knowledge on the subject.

Now let me tell you, oh wonderfully pockmark-faced red shirt boy, the dungeons of the Gaijin bars are not for the faint of heart.  These Gaijin bars have honed their illusory skills over the years to entice us foreigners into patronage.  They start with the simple English (in the most strictest sense -- UK) names: The Hub, Elephant's Nest, etc. Further, they decorate their interiors with warm inviting pub-style decor.  Lastly, they sprinkle their wares with household American beers like the good ole silver bullet (Coors Light), Bud Light, Budweiser, Corona, etc.  All these efforts are in attempts to lure hapless sheep into the jaws of the prey.

Yes, that was a metaphor.  In mother Japan Gaijins don't pick up Japanese, Japanese pick up you!

Ok, maybe its not that bad, but in my experiences its pretty bad.  These bars are being prowled by melting Japanese thirty somethings lying saying that they're 29 to lure us into their STD infected traps. Often being in the bar alone is enough to have a group or two of women approach you to "sit with you and speak English." I personally am not one to settle for something that I don't want so I've been putting a new meaning to playing it cool when frequenting these places.

All in all you there is hope for you to get laid; so please come on out.

Big Man Japan

1 comment:

  1. can't wait to get home and crack me open an ice cold american corona