Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Eisenhower, aliens, and the grand hot dog eating competition

America's got a good little thing going on here, you know?

We tell the world what we want, when we want it, but never why we want it and we pretty much get it. Iran is building one nuke (allegedly) and America's about to pop a hemorrhoid over it. We're all, "We're going to NUKE you if you build a nuke that could cause harm to people."

We're totally in the right on that one.

Don't get me wrong, nukes suck. Why can't we have hot dog eating competitions whenever we get into disagreements? It seems like America and her allies always win those types of things. Probably on account of we can afford to waste food on one human being like that.

Luckily for the USA, we've got tons of the damn things and one little nuke ain't going to bother us.

You know what else the USA has going for it? I'll tell you what... extraterrestrials visit our leaders.

Seriously, no joke. 

Aliens met with President Eisenhower at least 3 times that super secret documents only conspiracy theorists know about reveal. President Eisenhower also had a few secret rendezvouses with them at a drive in theater but that's neither here nor there. It just is.

We are building a rapport with these gray skinned weirdos. Good luck with that, China.

Large forehead, beady eyes... holy shit. 

I propose that the next time an alien visits an American leader, we should invite our enemies to the White House. We could manufacture a story about how the alien threat is out to destroy the earth. The aliens would be down for that kind of ruse because they love America. A whole new world religion could be born and instead of pointing nukes at each other, we could just throw hot dogs into each other's mouths. We'll all get a good laugh out of it and whoever wins gets to choose the condiments. 

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