I'm in Mongolia in a yurt. I'd much prefer to be at home writing this in my boxers and socks but thank God my handlers found a yurt with internet access. In Mongolia.
I prefer my presidents to be like me, understanding the world because we're rich enough and have ample leisure time to stay in yurts in Mongolia. My agent hired someone to write this for me. Thanks, Dave Eggers!
Hopefully I can catch a flight back home tonight so I can clock in on time for my minimum wage job. Ha! Just kidding. I'm an actor.