So I bought her a water toy book called Henry the Helpful Elephant.
While making the purchase, I didn't notice the fun tag line the author included on the packaging:
Henry! He squeaks AND squirts!
Every sane person's nightmare. I tore off this silly piece of cardboard and gave it to my cousin without its packaging as a matter of moral fortitude. She promptly started crying, threw the book in my face, and kicked me in my chin.
Screw you, Henry. Stop squirting, you perverted purple elephant.
Meanwhile, in Heaven.