The Artist - Too loud.
Red Tails - George Lucas proves he can make a bad movie in any color.
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Replace "Loud" with "Long" and "Close" with "I can't believe I wasted my money and my time with this shit."
Haywire - Like the critically acclaimed television series, 'the Wire,' but with more cows.
Beauty & the Beast 3D - Boredom gets better in 3D.
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - You don't have to read the book to know it sucks and you don't have to see the movie to know the book sucks.
Joyful Noise - The only time I heard what the movie is named after was when it was over and the whole audience laid a collective "Thank God" fart.
Underworld Awakening - Don't know, wasn't awake. #DKWA
Contraband - Is this starring Mark Wahlberg or Matt Damon or Leonardo DiCaprio or Denzel Washington? They're all the same these days.
Kill List - Pinkos making movies about Commies.