Monday, January 23, 2012

Movies You Don't Want To See Reviewed by Somebody Who Didn't See Them - One Sentence Round Up

The Artist - Too loud.

Red Tails - George Lucas proves he can make a bad movie in any color.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Replace "Loud" with "Long" and "Close" with "I can't believe I wasted my money and my time with this shit."

Haywire - Like the critically acclaimed television series, 'the Wire,' but with more cows.

Beauty & the Beast 3D - Boredom gets better in 3D.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - You don't have to read the book to know it sucks and you don't have to see the movie to know the book sucks.

Joyful Noise - The only time I heard what the movie is named after was when it was over and the whole audience laid a collective "Thank God" fart.

Underworld Awakening - Don't know, wasn't awake. #DKWA

Contraband - Is this starring Mark Wahlberg or Matt Damon or Leonardo DiCaprio or Denzel Washington? They're all the same these days.

Kill List - Pinkos making movies about Commies.

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