Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Airplanes are incubators for disease, suffering, and bad behavior

I was just on a three state marathon trip. I'm glad to be back where the insects sound like nuclear fallout and sweating at night is not just for fat boys. Hello, Texas.

On the way to California I sat next to a woman who, in the middle of the flight took off her shoes. I spent half an hour being disgusted by how I imagined they smelled. I think you should wear socks on planes. It's still mildly disgusting to sit next to someone who is so comfortable with strangers that they can just take off their shoes but I'd rather my eyes stumble across thread patterns than veins and fungal toe nails.

Even though this foot looks worse than the one next to me on the plane, merely possessing the knowledge that it was not next to me makes it look like a foot fit for fucking. 

While I was busy dry heaving, I noticed her empty shoe was encroaching on my leg room territory.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to push her shoe over, accidentally bang her foot, then have to deal with whatever kind of aftermath a person who is so comfortable with strangers as to get foot naked with them would deal out to me. I put my own feet closer together and quietly suffered.

It could have been worse. I could have sat next to someone who was clipping their toe nails. I was five rows behind the person doing that once on a plane. You know how, when you see a bug, you feel like bugs are crawling all over you? Imagine imagining someone's dirty toenails are constantly pelting you on a plane with no escape.

Airplanes truly are incubators for disease, suffering, and bad behavior.

Glad to be back home in Texas.

Check out my latest on Out of the Gutter. Clickity Clackity here.

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