Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Things I've overheard about Romney

I can't vouch for the truth in these statements but I have heard them about Romney.

1. He can suck his own dick. Due to the insane amount of wealth he has accumulated, most days he can just sit around on his back and stare at the ceiling. This gave him the crazy idea to try sucking his own dick. After a few hours, he was successful.

2. He loves peanut butter sandwiches and chocolate milk and fresh squeezed newborn blood.

3. His kids call him Money Bags because he often walks around the house wearing no clothes with $100 bills paper mached to his scrotum.

4. He spent a night in jail for drinking caffeine while watching a rated R movie in Salt Lake City Utah. When he sobered up he begged to not let the story get to press. It never did. Until now.

5. He has no toenails on account of he is an illusion projected from the planet Kolob.

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